What do Lifesavers do that a man can't? A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste. Lorelai: Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture. Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? Others have no imagination whatsoever. If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? Or rather you will chew those words and blow a bubble with them. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Lorelai: Not across the whole country. If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both. A: Because they have cotton balls. A place to buy a piece of luggage? If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. I enjoy every minute of it. A hard thing about a business is minding your own. We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich.
No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. Lorelai: The only draw back is the name. Lorelai: I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie. You get it from your kids. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. Lorelai: Oh yes, it was beautiful in there.
He called his second daughter in and also took down his pants. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? What do you call a blonde grabbing at air? How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. God must love stupid people. Christopher: That was a memorable evening. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
I used to be indecisive. Middle East peace, the space program? If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes. Why is a bra singular and panties plural? A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in. If you were, you would think you were sane. Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think. Relentless snakes on a plane! Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck? Light travels faster than sound. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Sherry: Maureen told me that Howard Stern said that if you squat, it makes the baby come out faster. Emily: What does Jodie Foster have to do with anything? What is the new O. Rory: How am I supposed to get into Harvard if I have no wilderness skills? I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
A bus station is where a bus stops. Lorelai: My other two personalities. Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing? Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven? The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy? We are all part of the ultimate statistic — ten out of ten die. Lo has them all the time! Lorelai: whispers The fish flies at night! Emily: I need the hat rack. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Having sex is like playing bridge.
Lorelai: Hello Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather Kirk. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children. Everything is edible, some things are only edible once. If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both. When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies? If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.